Love & Learn Page 16

  She shook her head. “I’ve called in sick.”

  She looked pale. Dark shadows under her eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Do you need a doctor?”

  She shook her head. “I’ll be fine.” She paused. “We’ll be fine.”

  “Can I come in?” he asked. Then he held out the brown paper bag from the bakery. “I’ve brought breakfast.”

  Reluctantly, she pulled back to let him in.

  He’d never visited the apartment, just looked at some photos on the realtor’s website before buying it. It was smaller than he’d expected. Just the one bedroom and a smaller room intended for a home office or perhaps a meditation room, according to the realtor’s prospect. It would have been plenty of space for Lizzie if she’d lived here alone. But for the three of them, it had to be cramped.

  Danny was sitting on a blanket on the floor in front of the couch, playing with some squeaky soft bricks. He stared at him, and Henry stared back. The boy looked well.

  But that was more than could be said for Lizzie.

  He put the paper bag with pastries on the kitchen counter, separating the kitchen from the living room. “I bought some croissants and some pain au chocolate,” he said, tearing the paper. The scent of buttery pastries filled the room

  Lizzie looked pained. “I … please excuse me for a minute.” Her face had gone from pale to green in a split second. “Could you keep an eye on him?” She gestured toward the child on the floor but didn’t wait for a response before bolting from the room.

  Henry just stood there, staring at the doorway where she’d disappeared. Then he heard Danny starting to whimper. Oh no. No, no, no.

  He looked over at the boy. “Please don’t,” he said awkwardly. “She’ll be right back.”

  But the boy’s lower lip started to tremble. Henry grabbed a pain au chocolate from the bag and hurried over to the child. “Here,” he said, thrusting the crumbling pastry at the boy. “Have you tried this? Huh? It’s good.” He took a step back, nodding encouragingly. “Try it.”

  Danny turned the pastry over, studying the crumbles that fell from his chubby hands as he grasped the pain au chocolate. The lower lip stopped trembling. Slowly, he put the pastry in his mouth and tasted it.

  Henry breathed a sigh of relief. There. Crisis averted.

  He pulled out a chair at the table and sat down to wait for Lizzie.

  52

  Lizzie

  Lizzie clung to the rim of the bowl as her insides wrung themselves inside out. Her stomach was already empty, she hadn’t been able to eat any breakfast this morning, but that didn’t stop the convulsions. She’d never been this sick in her life.

  She flushed and turned on the tap to splash some water on her face. Then she stared at her reflection in the mirror.

  She looked like death, warmed over. Whatever that meant.

  On trembling knees, she unlocked the door and made her way back out into the living room. Henry was sitting with his back to her, staring awkwardly into space. She could hear Danny gurgle contentedly somewhere on the floor behind him. That was something, at least. She couldn’t stand it if he started to scream.

  But how was she supposed to deal with Henry, feeling weak and helpless like this? She’s known he’d show up, eventually. He wasn’t going to let his daughter slip out of his life, just like that. And Lizzie knew that she probably didn’t stand much of a chance if his lawyer got involved. But for now, the children were here with her, and they were safe, and as happy as could be expected.

  Danny would be fine. He was too little to remember any of this when he got older. But Julia … She’d been through so much.

  Lizzie wanted nothing more than to go into the tiny room where she slept and curl up under the blankets, but instead, she pulled herself together and entered the room.

  Just as she did that, she heard a disturbing sound.

  The sound of a baby choking.

  Henry stood up but stayed by the table as she rushed past him and over to the baby. Danny was covered in crumbles, and his face was smeared with chocolate. Lizzie quickly emptied his mouth of the remaining crumbly pastry and patted his back firmly. The boy coughed a few times, gasping for air. Then he started to wail. Lizzie sank onto the floor with the boy in her arms, exhausted. She wasn’t strong enough to deal with this right now.

  Henry was staring down at her. At them.

  “I … I’m sorry,” he said.

  She looked up at him. “For what?” she asked tiredly. There were so many things she was mad at him for.

  But most of all, she was mad at herself. For being so stupid.

  How could she have believed that a man like him could ever be interested in a woman like her? That he could feel anything at all for some trailer trash nobody. They came from completely different worlds. Wanted different things out of life. She wanted nothing more than a large, happy family. A husband to love. Children to care for.

  They had absolutely nothing in common.

  “For …” He gestured toward the baby. “I didn’t know he couldn’t have pastries.”

  She rubbed the baby’s back. “He can. You just have to watch him.”

  He looked lost. “I didn’t know what to do. I’m not …” He made a helpless gesture. “I don’t know the first thing about children.”

  She grabbed a tissue from a box on the coffee table and tried to wipe the boy’s face clean. “No,” she said dryly. “You told me.”

  He sat down on the chair again, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. “But I want to learn,” he said. “I need your help with Julia.”

  She sighed. The baby squirmed, and she put him down again, next to his blocks. The blanket was covered in crumbs, but she was too tired to care. “She’s very angry,” she said. “You violated her trust at a difficult time in her life. It is going to take a lot before she can get over that.”

  He folded his hands. “But you could help me,” he said. “You could talk to her for me.”

  She shook her head. “No.” She brushed some crumbs off her hands and got up off the floor. It was not as easy as it should be, and she swayed a little, feeling faint.

  “Lizzie?” He sounded worried.

  “Please just leave,” she said. “I can’t deal with this today.” The room was spinning, and she forced herself to stand up straight. “You are going to have to —”

  But what he was going to have to do, she never got around to telling him. The floor suddenly rushed up toward her, and then everything went black.

  Henry

  The thud when she hit the floor was sickening, and Henry was out of his chair before he even had time to think about it. The baby stared at him as he rushed over and kneeled next to Lizzie.

  Pushing her hair from her face, he could see that she was ashen and sweating.

  “Oh, Lizzie, no,” he groaned silently. Gathering her up in his arms, he carried her over to one of the doors, leading from the living room. It was a tiny room, with just a narrow bed against one wall and a chair next to it. On the windowsill was a small lamp.

  He placed her gently on the bed and pulled the covers over her. She moaned, and her eyelids started to flutter.

  “Don’t move,” he said. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

  “N-no,” she said faintly. “Don’t.” Her eyes wandered around the room, searching. “Danny?”

  Henry glanced out into the living room. The baby hadn’t made a noise. “He’s fine,” he lied. “But Lizzie, I need to call an ambulance. You have to go to hospital.”

  She tried to sit up. “No, I’m fine … I need to check on the baby.”

  He pushed her gently down against the pillows. “No. You don’t have to do anything. I will go and get him for you, alright?”

  She looked wearily at him. “Henry …”

  He patted her arm on top of the blankets. “Please, just stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  He returned to the living room, staring at the child on the floor. The boy was a me
ss, and the blanket he was sitting on would have to go straight into the washing machine. Henry picked the child up and carried him at arm’s length into the kitchen and over to the sink. There, he put the boy down on the kitchen counter and turned on the tap. He washed the boy and dried his face on a kitchen towel. Then he took another towel and held it under the tap. When he’d wrung most of the water out, he picked up the boy awkwardly and carried him into the small bedroom.

  Lizzie was lying there with her eyes closed, and her tousled hair splayed out over the pillow. Henry sat down on the edge of the narrow bed and placed the moist towel on her forehead. She opened her eyes, smiling faintly when she saw the little boy.

  “Hey,” she said, reaching out a trembling hand toward Danny. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll be fine.”

  “Yes,” Henry muttered. “She’ll be fine. We’ll take good care of her, won’t we, Danny?”

  Her eyes flickered to his face. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m sure I’ll be fine in a minute. I just need to —”

  “You don’t need to anything right now,” he said, wiping her brow and then folding the towel over before placing a cool side of it against her sweaty forehead. “Apart from feeling better. I’m here. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

  A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, down her temple. He wiped it away with the kitchen towel.

  53

  Lizzie

  Henry found another blanket and put Danny down on the floor in her room, with his squeaky blocks and some other toys he must have found in the children’s room. He brought her some tea and a tall glass of water, and she sipped both of them, alternately. Slowly, the dizziness started to fade, and she began to feel better.

  She pulled herself up to sitting and adjusted the pillows behind her back. “I’m feeling much better,” she said. “Thank you for staying with Danny.” She looked at the boy on the floor. “I’ll be able to get up soon.”

  “No rush,” he said. “I’m here for you.”

  She frowned. “Please don’t.”

  “Please don’t what?” He looked as if he honestly didn’t understand.

  “Don’t pretend that you don’t hate me,” she muttered, taking another sip of her tea.

  He stared at her. “I don’t hate you.”

  She shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” She paused. “Well, yes, I would.” She looked him straight into the eyes. “I think it was a horrible thing you did, going behind Julia’s back with Aunt Heather. And if you think that there is anything I could say to her that would make her forget about that, you are not as clever as I thought.”

  He leaned back. “It was the most sensible thing to do. Julia would have gotten over it.”

  Lizzie shook her head. “Danny is all the family she has left. If she lost him too, I don’t think she’d ever get over it.”

  He got up and started pacing back and forth. “She’s sixteen. She shouldn’t be thinking about babies and diapers. She should be focusing on her friends and school.” He stopped and pointed at her. “And that is another discussion we’re having once you’re feeling better. You took her out of Hennessey’s.”

  “She wasn’t happy there. She likes her new school, and she’s already made several friends.”

  He nodded. “I saw one of them. Was that a wig, or is her hair actually pink?”

  Lizzie smiled. “It’s pink. Julia wants to dye her hair as well, but she hasn’t decided on a color yet. We’ll probably do it this weekend.” She glanced over at Danny. “What do you think, honey? Blue would look good on your sister, right?”

  “Over my dead body!” Henry roared.

  Danny whimpered. Lizzie sat up.

  “If you can’t be civilized, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she said, with as much fire and determination as she could muster.

  He moved toward the door, but then stopped and turned toward her. “These aren’t your children,” he said, his voice soft and tempered, but there was no doubt in her mind that he was furious with her. “If you think I am going to let you come between me and my daughter …”

  She leaned back against the pillows, feeling tired and weary. “I never wanted to come between you and Julia,” she said. “On the contrary. I did everything I could to help you get to know and forge a bond with your daughter.” She raised a finger and pointed straight at his face. “It was you who drove her away. It was you who lied, who made promises that you never intended to keep.”

  “I … I …” He walked slowly over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. “Please, Lizzie,” he pleaded. “Help me fix things with Julia. I can’t stand the fact that she hates me.”

  Lizzie shook her head wearily. “There’s nothing I can do or say to Julia that would change the way she feels about you. You have to rebuild the trust you’ve broken.”

  He leaned forward. “But how do I do that?”

  She shrugged, looking down at the boy on the floor, putting one block on top of another. “It is so much harder with teenagers,” she said and sighed. “The little ones, you just give them a banana and a snuggle.” She looked up at him. “There’s only one way to repair trust, once broken. With lots and lots of honesty. And time. Plenty of time.”

  54

  Henry

  He stayed all day, first fixing Lizzie some lunch—he wasn’t much of a cook, but he could scramble a couple of eggs—and then feeding Danny. Lizzie was still as pale as a sheet, and he refused to let her get out of bed.

  “I think you should at least let me call a doctor,” he said. “Even if you really ought to be in the hospital.”

  “It’s only a stomach bug,” she said. “It’ll blow over in 24 hours. I just feel week as a newborn kitten, right now.”

  “You look it, too,” he said. “Just rest. I’ll look after Danny.”

  She looked almost suspicious but was too weak to argue. “Has he had any lunch?”

  “Yes,” he said, not entirely without pride. “And I changed his diaper, thank you very much.”

  Her smile was the most beautiful thing he’d seen in ages, even though she was obviously very weak. “Thank you,” she said.

  “Try and get some sleep,” he said. “Danny and I have some block building to do. You know, guys’ stuff.”

  There was that smile again. “Thank you,” she said again. “I’ll just nap a little. I’m sure I’ll feel better in no time. After all, I could eat the eggs you made.”

  He tucked her in and took Danny with him out into the living room. They played with his toys for a little while, but then Danny started to get a little cranky. He rubbed his eyes and started to whimper, crawling toward the door into Lizzie’s bedroom.

  “No, Danny. Lizzie’s sleeping now. We’ve got to let her rest so that she feels better.”

  “Muh-muh-muh,” he said and kept crawling.

  Henry scrambled up off the floor and caught up with the boy just as he reached the door. “Come on, big boy, I know you want to be with her, but you’ll just have to settle for me right now.”

  “Muuuh-muuuh!” Danny wailed, and Henry hurried away from the door with the boy in his arms.

  “Are you trying to say Mommy?” he asked, looking at the boy.

  “Muuuh-muuh!” Danny screamed, and his voice pierced Henry’s eardrums.

  “OK, OK, don’t wake her, please don’t wake her,” he pleaded, but the boy was inconsolable.

  Henry looked around the apartment after something to distract the child but couldn’t find any other toys than the ones they had already played with. Danny’s stroller stood in a corner by the front door. “Wanna go outside, big boy?” he asked. “Yeah, let’s go for a walk so that Mommy can get some rest, OK?”

  Danny complained a little as Henry strapped him into the stroller, but when they rode down in the elevator, he went silent and stared at himself in the mirror on the wall. Henry pushed him down the street, thinking they could try and find a park with a playground or something, but before they even made it to the end
of the block, Danny had slumped over to one side and was sucking his knuckles with heavy eyelids. Henry turned the corner and kept walking, without any particular destination, just hoping that the boy would go to sleep. He adjusted the angle to the backrest so that the child was more comfortable, and Danny whimpered a little, but then he lay back and looked up at Henry for a while before falling asleep.

  As soon as the child had fallen asleep, Henry started to relax. He hadn’t realized how tense he’d been until now. It was hard work, caring for a child. Lizzie was a superhero. And it wasn’t even her kids. This was his daughter’s little brother. Not exactly a blood relative, but he obviously meant a lot to Julia.

  And Julia meant a lot to him.

  Henry slowed down and looked at the child. When he wasn’t screaming himself hoarse, he was a pretty cute kid. Those round cheeks. The chubby hands. Henry had never wanted children, but he could see why some people did. Those people were mad, and obviously didn’t have any ambitions to write the next American novel, but still. Lizzie was a great mother. A natural. The way she’d taken to Julia and Danny—and the kids had taken to her—told him that. He envied her. He wished he could be more like her but didn’t think he had it in him.

  He was too old to change his ways. A teenager he could handle. He could reason with her, take her out to dinner and have interesting discussions, and in just a few years, Julia would be off to college and stand on her own two feet. She would still need her father, but not in an everyday kind of way.

  But a baby? Danny would need a mother and a father for the next two decades or so. Henry knew from his own experience what it was like to grow up with aging parents and wouldn’t wish that on any child. He had to make Lizzie understand that he couldn’t be that father. And that meant—unfortunately—that she couldn’t be that mother.