Love & Learn Page 17

  55

  Lizzie

  Lizzie awoke with a start when the front door slammed.

  “I’m home!” Julia called out.

  Lizzie rolled over and tried to sit up. She didn’t feel sick any longer, but her head was pounding, and she still felt frail. “In here,” she croaked.

  The door opened. Julia stared at her. “Lizzie? Are you alright?”

  Lizzie nodded. “I’ll be fine.” She rubbed her face and pushed her hair back.

  “Where’s Danny?” Julia looked around the room. “Isn’t he in here with you?” She hurried off to check her own room. “Danny?” she called out. “Danny, where are you?”

  Lizzie tried to think. He’d been here just now. And Henry had been here, looking after him.

  Julia came back. “Lizzie, where is Danny? I can’t find him anywhere.”

  “It’s fine,” Lizzie said. “He’s with Henry.”

  Julia just stared at her. “What do you mean, he’s with Henry? Where are they?”

  Lizzie got up and walked over to the door. “They were just here a moment ago.” She glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. “Oh, is that the time? I must have slept for hours.”

  Julia grabbed her arm. “Lizzie, what was Henry doing here? And what was he doing with Danny? Where are they?”

  “I don’t … I don’t know,” Lizzie said, walking over the kitchen counter to find her phone. She dialed Henry’s number. Her call went straight to voice mail. She was starting to panic. “I’m sure they will be right back.” She checked the kids’ room and looked in the hallway. “He didn’t even bring the diaper bag, so they must be coming right back.”

  “Lizzie!” Julia’s voice was shrill with worry. “What if he’s taken him?”

  Lizzie stared at her. “Taken him? What do you mean?”

  Julia put both hands in front of her mouth. “What if he’s taken him to California? To Aunt Heather?” she whispered.

  Lizzie shook her head. “No, he …”

  She’d been going to say that he wouldn’t, but the truth of the matter was that he probably would. Was that why he’d come here? But after everything she had said to him, did he really think that Julia would ever be able to forgive him if he did something like that?

  Lizzie walked over to the couch and sat down. “I’m sure they’ll be right back,” she said. “Perhaps they just went to the store or something.”

  But she wasn’t sure that she even believed that herself.

  Oh, god, Henry.

  What had he done?

  Lizzie grabbed one of Danny’s stuffed animals from the couch and clutched it to her chest. What if he never came back? Would she ever get to see her baby again?

  56

  Henry

  He had timed it perfectly. Just as he returned to the building where Lizzie and the kids lived, Danny started to stir in the stroller.

  “Just hold on a moment longer,” Henry said under his breath and slipped inside the building as a middle-aged couple was on their way out. “We’ll be back with Mommy and Julia in just a couple of minutes.”

  Mommy. Now there was a word he didn’t use often. Ever. But it felt right. Especially when it referred to Lizzie. She was a born mother, and those kids loved her, even if it had only been a couple of months since they came into her life. As far as he was concerned, Lizzie was their mother, and he was determined to do everything in his power to make it so that everyone could get what they wanted out of this arrangement. It was obvious that little Danny was thriving in her care, and once they’d gotten Julia’s school situation sorted, there was no reason why they couldn’t all work this out in some way.

  He didn’t have any keys, so he was forced to ring the doorbell, hoping that Lizzie wasn’t still asleep. But it was Julia who opened the door. She stared at him.

  Henry lit up when he saw her. “Julia! How are you? It’s been ages—”

  But she didn’t even look at him. Instead, she threw herself at the stroller, unbuckling her little brother. “Oh, Danny,” she wailed. “I thought you were …” She turned and ran back into the apartment with the child in her arms. “Lizzie!” she yelled. “He’s here. Danny’s here!”

  Henry was left standing alone in the hallway outside the apartment, staring at the door that was slowly starting to close. He leaned over the stroller and nudged it open again, parking the stroller to one side of the hallway. He got the containers of Chinese food from the basket underneath and walked into the living room. Julia and Lizzie were sitting on the couch, with Danny between them. Both of them were hugging and caressing the child that was babbling happily.

  Lizzie looked up at him, and he saw that she’d been crying. “What’s wrong,” he said. “What happened? Are you alright?”

  She hugged the boy, wiping away the tears. “Where have you been?” she said, her voice thick. “I woke up, and you were gone. Julia thought that you had …”

  She sniveled and looked at the plastic bag in his hand.

  He held it up. “I’ve got dinner.”

  “Oh.” She wiped her face again. “I didn’t know what to think.”

  “I took him for a walk so that he wouldn’t wake you,” he said, and it slowly dawned on him what she believed he’d done. Julia glanced over her shoulder at him with poisoned daggers for eyes, and he realized that she’d believed it too.

  That he’d taken Danny away from them, without so much as a chance to say goodbye.

  He walked over to the dining table and put the food there. Then he walked into the kitchen and looked through the cabinets until he found plates and glasses. He calmly set the table for dinner, but on the inside, he was in turmoil. What kind of a villain did they think he was? What kind of evil? That he’d steal a baby away from its mother? From its sister?

  But that was precisely what he’d been meaning to do at the Family Court, on the day of the custody hearing. Take Danny away from Lizzie and Julia, so that he could have Julia to himself, and Lizzie didn’t need to stick around anymore. He’d thought he’d been doing the right thing. What was best for everyone.

  But in reality, he’d only been doing what had been best for himself.

  He turned toward his daughter, her brother, and the woman who wanted to be their mother. “Dinner’s served.”

  57

  Lizzie

  Lizzie didn’t think she could eat a bite, but she actually managed quite a bit of the fried rice, and a vegetarian egg roll. She’d been hungrier than she thought, and her stomach had settled.

  Little Danny was also gnawing on an egg roll, but not making much headway. Julia gave him some rice, and Lizzie watched him spread it all over the table, with only a few grains making their way into his mouth.

  “Try the noodles instead,” she suggested, and soon, the little boy was covered in noodles, like some weird monster from a children’s TV show. But he was happy, and he was eating, and he was here.

  He was here.

  Lizzie tried to convince herself that she hadn’t been that worried but couldn’t. There had been a moment when she’d thought that she’d never see little Danny again, and the agony of that loss was a feeling she never wanted to experience again. She had lost too many people already.

  Leaning back and looking around the table, her eyes met Henry’s, on the other side. He was looking straight at her, and there was something in his expression that she couldn’t identify. He was smiling at something Julia had said, but there was pain and sadness there, as well.

  “Oh, and he’s going to say his first word any day,” Julia said. “He’s been working up to it. Lizzie thinks it’s going to be ‘banana’, but I think it’s going to be ‘ball’. We’ve got a bet running. Do you want in on it?”

  Henry glanced at his daughter but then looked straight at Lizzie again. “Oh, I know what it will be,” he said. “Danny’s first word is going to be Mommy. He’s almost said it all day.”

  Lizzie could feel tears welling up, and she blinked rapidly. “Really?” She looked over
at the noodle-covered child. “Can you say Mommy, Danny?”

  The boy slammed an open hand on his plate, grabbing some more noodles that he jammed into his mouth, looking from Lizzie to Julia to Henry. He was obviously loving being the center of attention. But he didn’t say anything.

  Lizzie leaned back, taking a sip of water. “Well, maybe some other day. But I still think ‘banana’ is a pretty good bet.” She put the glass down. “I want to thank you for coming to the rescue today,” she said. “For looking after Danny while I was sick, and for getting dinner, and everything.”

  A small crooked smile appeared on his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks for not stealing your child and giving him to another woman?” he said, and it wasn’t a joke. Not a funny one, anyway.

  “Yeah,” she said, pushing away the panic that blossomed in her chest, just thinking about little Danny on a plane to California, screaming helplessly for Julia and her.

  He shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that,” he said. “I just don’t know how this is going to work.” He glanced at Julia before looking at Lizzie again. “But perhaps this is something that we should discuss when you’re feeling better. In private,” he added.

  “No,” Julia said. “I think we should discuss it now. Lizzie says that you two are getting a divorce, and she says that I shouldn’t worry and that everything is going to be alright, but I don’t believe her.” She put her fork down and stared at her father. “I want you to promise me that you don’t try and take us away from her.”

  Henry frowned. “This is a complicated matter, Julia,” he said. “You can’t expect a young woman like Lizzie to put her life on hold to raise someone else’s children. And you and Danny need two parents.” He gestured at Lizzie but kept looking at Julia. “You saw what happened today. Lizzie got sick and couldn’t take care of Danny. What will she do if that happens again?”

  Julia turned and stared at her. “I’ll stay home from school and look after him,” she said. “We can manage, the two of us.” She looked at her father again. “Or you could do it,” she said. “Like today. If you believe that we need two parents, the solution is simple. Don’t divorce Lizzie.”

  Lizzie got up from the table and started to clear away the plates. “Please, Julia,” she said wearily. “I’ve told you. It was never a real marriage. It was just a way of expediting the custody hearing. Henry never wanted to be married to me. He never wanted a family.” She returned to the table and started to clean the noodles off Danny. “You need a bath, little guy,” she said. Turning to Julia, she said, “Could you put away the leftovers, please?”

  Julia nodded.

  Lizzie picked up the messy child and carried him into the bathroom, putting him in the small tub before she even started to undress him. There were noodles everywhere, even behind his left ear.

  She could hear voices from the living room, but not what they said. It was good that Henry and Julia had started to mend their relationship, though. The girl certainly needed her father.

  Too bad that Henry didn’t seem to need anyone at all.

  58

  Henry

  Henry leaned back, staring at his screen. It was filled with words. His chest expanded, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

  He had done it. He had broken through the writer’s block that had plagued him all through his last book.

  This one was going to be different.

  The story just flowed straight through him. He could barely keep up with the words that kept coming as soon as he put his fingers on the keyboard.

  It was pure magic.

  He got up and walked out into the hallway. He moved toward the living room, thinking that he should have a drink to celebrate, but no. He didn’t want a drink. Besides, it was the middle of the day. Was he hungry? He went into the kitchen and stared into the refrigerator. No. He wasn’t hungry.

  But he was … something.

  He just couldn’t put his finger on what.

  Moving through the empty apartment, he came to a halt outside his guest room. It hadn’t been touched since the kids went to live with Lizzie, and both the bed and the small cot were unmade. There were some clothes on a chair and a book on the small bedside table.

  He walked over and picked it up.

  It was one of his. Where had Julia got that from?

  Looking around, he spotted the piled-up boxes behind the door. The top one was open. He walked over. The box was half full of copies of the same book that he was holding in his hand.

  His first book.

  He hadn’t known that Julia had read it.

  Had she, though?

  Flicking through the book, he spotted a piece of paper that seemed to serve as a bookmark, somewhere halfway through. It was a ticket stub from the opera he’d taken her to.

  He sat down on the side of the bed, staring at the book. She’d only read half of it. He flickered through the pages, stopping to read a paragraph on the page before the bookmark.

  The most important thing to a man is his freedom. The freedom to travel, to work at his art, to follow his desires, wherever they might take him. He must never let anyone weigh him down, or stand in the way of his creative expression. That selfish act of having a family would be a betrayal to his muse.

  Henry grimaced. What a load of pretentious bollocks! It was a miracle that the book had ever been published.

  He closed the book and looked at it. He could remember feeling this way in the early days of his first marriage. That his wife was standing between him and greatness. That she was holding him back.

  No wonder she had left him. He must have treated her so badly. Always putting his work first. Resenting her for needing him, when all he needed was to write.

  What an absolute bastard he’d been.

  Being alone for all those years after the divorce … Yes, it had allowed him to focus on his work. He had written some really good books. A lot better than this.

  He stood up, walking over to the window.

  He’d been writing today, for the first time in months. He should be ecstatic.

  But all he felt was a nagging sense of … something missing. He walked out into the hallway again, looking at all the doors leading in all directions. So many rooms. Why did he have so many rooms? He could only ever be in one room at a time, anyway.

  And then suddenly, it dawned on him. If he had been a character in one of his books, wandering around aimlessly in his large apartment, the feeling that the character would have experienced would have been loneliness.

  Was he lonely?

  Henry frowned. He was never lonely. He treasured his independence. Valued his privacy. Appreciated his time to reflect and create.

  But now, once he was done writing for the day, there was something missing.

  Someone.

  What was the point of writing when he had no one to tell about what he’d done? No one who could be happy for him, and be excited about the fact that he’d finally started writing again.

  And then, what was the point?

  59

  Lizzie

  Lizzie had picked up Danny from daycare and stopped by the shops. It had been a long day, and she was dead on her feet, but there were still many more hours to go before she could crawl into bed.

  Being a single mom was HARD. She’d always known that, seeing her own mother struggle, but her mother hadn’t worked long hours at a law firm, and she hadn’t lived in New York, one of the most expensive cities in the world. Most of the time, her mother hadn’t worked at all, and her long string of boyfriends had been more a means of getting drugs and rent money than an honest search for love.

  Lizzie was trying to do it all, do it right, and she had no one to lean on. She had to be strong for her children. They needed her. They had no one else to depend on.

  But now … Lizzie’s eyes stung with tears, but she blinked at them furiously. Yes, at times, it felt as if she’d perhaps bit off more than she could chew, and right now, she was being forced to admit def
eat and make a difficult decision in order to keep afloat. She didn’t want to. But what other option did she have? She was going to have to bite the bullet and do the right thing. For her family’s sake. As a single mom, she couldn’t afford the luxury of having it all.

  But it was worth it, though. Seeing Danny’s face light up when she came to pick him up at the end of each day. Listening to his incomprehensible jabbering as she bought some groceries and walked back from the store to her apartment. Julia would be home by now, and she’d look after Danny while Lizzie got dinner on the table. Lizzie loved listening to them in the other room. Her favorite sound in the whole world: the sound of her children playing and laughing.

  Outside of her apartment building, she spotted a man coming toward her. Her heart skipped and jumped, although she knew he wasn’t here to see her. She stopped, shifting her groceries from one hand to the other.

  “Henry? Did I know you were coming?”

  He was smiling from ear to ear. “No. I just … wanted to see you.”

  Lizzie raised an eyebrow. “That’s nice.” She maneuvered the stroller toward the door. “Could you …?”

  He hurried to get the door for her. “I’ve been writing,” he said enthusiastically.

  She got in the elevator and stepped to the side to make room for him as well. It was cramped, and she felt a bit overwhelmed with him being so close. It had been a long time, but his scent was the same, that manly adventurous scent, and she felt her body starting to tingle in that stupid, annoying way. As if she had the energy for anything like that? Nope. That part of her life was over. She was a mom now, with no energy for dating. The men at the office were all married and/or old enough to be her grandfather. She liked older men, but not that old.